i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
