Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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