Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
