Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
