I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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