dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize