Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This is the high leading the old right now
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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