ya dads aren't the best wingmen
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
