..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
