im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Bring me that man meat
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
