Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
