I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
