If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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