All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
