Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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