i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
