Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
