Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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