But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
