she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
