what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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