You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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