he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
