hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
