I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
BRING THE BAGELS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
