Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
