dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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