maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize