i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
