i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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