All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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