I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
