i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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