I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
