Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
