I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
