You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You took a bar mat shot.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
