remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
