Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
