So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
