this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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