someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
