Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
