Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
