I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
