update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Houston, we have a blender
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
