ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize