when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
