Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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