The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
