Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
