so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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