i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There r osticjed everywhere
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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