ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
