I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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