"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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