If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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