If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
