also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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