wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
