i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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