all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
