She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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