nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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