You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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