the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
