All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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