once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
