what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize