I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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