i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
