Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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