I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
