Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
