You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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