You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
