Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
