i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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