Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
