He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
