The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
