god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
