The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're a waste of cheezeits
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
