it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
