He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
