I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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