3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
high people should be assigned attendants
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
