Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
