i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
