Where did you get a picture of my penis
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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