She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
