I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
