I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
