Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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