does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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