I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize