She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're like the curious george of whores
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
