Im at strip club and am horny
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
