Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize