I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
