She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
