he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
