Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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