Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
